I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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