Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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