3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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