Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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