Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
