need another drink. this is the easiest way
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize