You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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