I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
