My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
