I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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