Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I intend to get homeless drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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