I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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