So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
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