I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
