I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
