true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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