Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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