She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are a genius and a whore.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
