i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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