she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
