paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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