wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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