Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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