Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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