are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
