I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize