Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
