The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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