I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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