can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My balls are so social today.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
