But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
we're chasing vodka with high fives
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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