i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
