I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
