Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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