rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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