bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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