areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
How's work?
Spinning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
