Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
