Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
