This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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