two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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