he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
