Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and she was petting her beer can
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
