So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
