12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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