Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
