Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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