You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
