i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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