I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
