there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
