you thought your balls were fighting each other...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
