Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
