i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
