She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
