Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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