summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
