I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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