You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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