There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
