I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
