my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
