mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
