Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
