Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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