I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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