This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
