I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
