I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It's blow job season.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
