nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
