The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
