You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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