doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
