First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
