Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
