I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
