I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
