You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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