whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
