Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
sex in a hospital.. check
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I said "one day" and that day is not today
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
