so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
