We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
