Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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