I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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